No Death Zone.

I'm getting ready for Thanksgiving and I have placed a picture up of the seating arrangements.

Plan 1 is called the NO death zone.

Plan 2 is called better profile And NO Death Zone.

Better profile because someone thinks their right sided profile is not the best. Whatever. I'm more concerned with who will still be alive once the meal is over. If we even make it that far, last year, we didn't.

This year I'm prepared for anything. I'm armed and ready, so in laws, friends, foes and all those you wish you didnt have to look at, bring it on.

I have a list of 10 Commandments that will be strictly enforced.

1- thou shall not covet thy turkey leg to bash the person in the face who is across from you.

2- no one will yell " grandma wanted me aborted"

3- no one will have pity party thinking it will get them cash.

4- If thoust have been charged with a felony, thou shalt keep it to ones self.

5- For the LOVE OF GOD...... NO ONE WAS ABANDONED! Your dumbass is still here, is it not!

6- Thou shalt not call for the captain or continue to look at others packages.( this is for those women in desperation and who like to rate the size of a private part)

7- Even though you shall see-ith a stripper there will be no fornication at thy table,under thy table or on top of thy table when you think no one is looking.

8- No person who can not holdeth thy liquor will get any, this means everyone.

9- Giveth me liqour and keep asking me if I like thee. Do you really want to know?

10- We will not get thrown out this year. No one will jump from a moving car. No I don't want to have sex with any of you because you all disgust me. There will be no talk of politics. That leads to people hitting each other in the head and this year I have mace!

Right now I'm on my way to the airport fearing the end of life as I know it. THE Flytap has told me it is a dumping offense. But I never agreed to that. I think two people should make decisions like that together. He likes to think of himself as a Timtatorship. Sometimes I feel sorry for the poor man, he does not realize the magnitude of my adventurous side.

On my way to the airport I think of excuses to come up with and ways to distract or fool him. Its going to be hard.  He is the definition of brilliant and was accepted to be a code breaker for the government. I think he used to like the government until he met me. He decided not to do code breaking but he is still facsinating. Its been four years almost and he still has the key to my brain which is scary. But good write up doesnt make for talking about ones kids or Flytraps so I will tell you how I burnt off my crotch instead.

Forget the crotch, the pain is still to fresh and I'm now all the way bald.

Right now as I type I feel I need to yell bingo or some other old fossil activity. Someone sent me Cd's and I either feel stoned or old. What were they thinking? I feel as if I'm in a rest home right now. Speaking of rest homes that sounds good about now.

Okay about fire crotch. Simple. I had 100 candles around the tub and lit them before I got in. I put on leg in the tub which is high off the ground and caught myself on fire. I began to beat it off instead of just sitting in the tub. Way to go!!! But guess what? I highly recommend this. Try it, just take a torch to yourself. You will never wax again. Wax can hurt, fire can burn BUT if you beat it off fast enough it will come out all smooth. Like Nike says " just do it"

I'm on the plane and not sure if I should have this on or not. The man next to me keeps talking and he has pools of foam at his mouth. I'm more afraid of something falling from his mouth then the plane. Two rows behind me is hateful,I act like I don't know he is there. Shine is already in Ca. He is the lucky one.  I'm sitting here with old foamy and he is in a hot tub somewhere.   I wonder if I will make it out of this alive? In case I will make my last will and testiment now. This will serve as my last diary entry too.

Forget that for right now because Linda has just caused me to lose my mind. This is so terrible and horrible I can't believe it yet I do. Somewhere in Mullica hill on Tomlinstation rd sits a family that is detestable. They are sick heartless bastards. It figures though since they live in Mullica Hill.

Linda works as a morons helper( mothers helper) the definition of that is someone that can't manage the beasts they brought into the world. They placed no correction on their children and the children run the house. Linda has to deal with being treated like a sub human and is even locked out of the house like a dog. They don't care if she even has to use the bathroom.  Linda is there to clean up after kids that are old enough to do it themselves. They throw food on the floor and kick and beat her. In the house are five kids, the asshole husband/ slum lord, the mother in law from hell and the wife who just was diagnosed with MS last year. When this lady does wash she does 6 loads at one time! How can any one do that? I do one load every two days because I have a pre wash, dirt wash off wash, soaking wash, regular wash and then the sit in fabric softner wash. That takes one day by itself. How can you do 6 loads and they actually be clean? Enough about her cleaning habits because I do understand that most people can just dump it in and go. I just can't do that. I would feel that it wasn't clean.

I must tell you about these people so that you can know people like this do exist. On top of them treating her like a dog the husband told her to go and be a prostitute for money. This is because Linda is so poor and has very large mellons. They are very large, size F's or something. He told her to be a prostitute today. I would have said to him" look idiot is there something that screams out to you that I want to get on my knees and blow you?" What an ass!

Then Linda gets paid 8 per hour for four hours a day four days a week. This is a 30 and hour job and they are robbing her. They called the job a mothers helper but she is really a brat sitter, cleaner and a shit taker. Theses people have 5 kids. One four year old that is still in diapers! One 9 year old that needs a serious................................... talking to? One five year old that kicks Linda, spits on her and throws human crap on her. The morons who are the parents told her she is not allowed to correct them. There are two other beastly children but I was so traumatized by what I already heard that by mind is hurting. It gets worst too, yes there is more. The mother in law and husband told Linda that the last person was fired because they believed she stole food. Now I don't know about you people but when someone is at my house and I'm having dinner I get them a plate and tell them to sit. They eat in front if her while she has to stand there allowing the beasts to throw food on her, each other and the floor. They have even told her that they are making sure she doesnt touch the left overs. Oh and these people have money. They just like to flaunt it while making her feel bad. They are a real class act. I want to smack the crap out of them. When I get back I want to go to the house they live in and tell them off. I better not though because of my terrible temper. I do not like bad people or those that try to hurt defensless people. I hope they burn in hell. Bloody bastards. I told Linda to trip a few of them if she could today. I hope she does so we can laugh about it later. That's if I live through this investigation. If not I will still look down and laugh.

Now to my will.

This has to be done right so I cover all bases.

For my mother I leave one red cent in a glass. I leave this for her so she knows I did not forget her. I give her nothing else other then a thank you for doing nothing for me ever. My thank you is sincere. Had it not been for her  I would have never learned how not to be. The penny also represents what she is worth as a human being.

For my son. If and that's a BIG if, if he can stay out of trouble for four years and get into school at the end if four
years he will inherit. If he screws up the four years start over. He only gets two tries at it. If he fails his money will be donated to boys town in Nebraska. The money must go to a boy coming out of the school. The amount my son is to be left is hidden in one of my drawers in the basement where all such info can be found.

My daughter will have to complete two years if volunteer work at a home for the handicapped or homeless so she can get a grip on reality.

My cat is to be dug up and buried with me or no one gets any money. I don't care if you have to sneak him in. I also do not care if he is nothing but bones.

My cat Admiral Crooked Bones must be taken care of for the rest of his life. I do not care that he bites or growls. He doesnt like any one.

Everyone else your will find instructions in my drawer.

Its been a few days since I began typing this on my phone and I'm now back.

As most of you know this is almost like my on line diary a sort of therapy. This morning I really got into it with someone. Their son is not responsible at all. It has now been left to me to pay his fines. I can not put into words the rage I feel at this morons screw ups. He had an entire year to pay this and now I'm told to pay it! You have to be kidding me! My son needed help to the tune of 3000 and believe me he knows one time only. He screws up again and he's on his own. He knows when I say something I mean it. This other kid,aka baby boy as I like to call him is pissing me off. I want to kick him on his @ss. I think its great that he can take his little paycheck and blow it on booze while I have to work.  I can't look at his big face.

Did you all know that people can get chapped butt? It'd true and you get it from giving lap dances. My next entry is called Chapped Cheeks and Butt Abrasions.

Linda's daughter has chapped cheeks from doing way to many lap dances. She only made 30 bucks for it to. Her mother calls her the mean stripper. She says she is not nice enough to them. Well I'm guessing that if my butt was chapped I wouldn't be either!  I told her to go buy urban decays lickable dusting powder,tastes great and looks sparkling. I don't think they are allowed to lick each others butts though. At least I hope not.

Back to Linda again. She calls me up and tells me to run these ads for her so she can find work. I do. Some guy wants her to pee on him. I think she is going for it. OMG,that is so disgusting. Then she wants an ad to get a man. I had to tell her to please stop looking for what she calls a sugar daddy. Her days of getting daddies are all over with. It's just not going to happen. In the middle of trying to help her find a job she tells me that she must go home because her daughter is coming home and might want to eat. I'm thinking,okay,um does she have to legs,two arms and at least half a brain? Then she can cook something herself. I call her Baby girl. These are both grown adults!

I really have a problem understanding people today. I'm young and I never had any help at all. If I didn't do it,it just didn't get done. If I didn't work,I didn't eat,if I didn't work I couldn't pay rent. What is wrong with people today?

Today is another day and it is election day. I already voted and I can tell you that there were only 10 people in there and they were already having problems. One lady left and it beeped and then they said her vote wasn't counted. I'm sure there is going to be a big mess. There is something really strange going on too. I was talking to people and went to breakfast with some odd people and no one was voting Obama. These were people of all colors too. They just didn't trust him. So why are the polls showing something else? Everyone I talk to is voting for the old guy. I ate with a bunch of black people and they too did not vote for him. The reason they gave was because of their religious beliefs. I never expected that. some of the people said that they were disgraced by his spending,over 600 million to try and win. I agree with that too. There are so many things that we could have done with that money then use it to run tv ads. We have people with no heat,food or jobs. I feel too that it is a disgrace. I guess it will be another case of who has the most money wins. One of my friends who was voting Mc Cain was called a racist! I didn't know it would come to that but I guess it has. I personally would have voted for Alan Keyes if he was running and he is black all the way, unlike Obama. She would have voted for Keyes too but he is not running and I think he should next time. For me this was not a black white thing it was a I'm scared to death of Obama thing. How would the world take it if a presidential candidate belonged to the KKK for 20 years and acted like they didn't know what was going on? The church that Obama belonged to is it's equvilent of that. God Damn America! WOW and he is going to be our president? Because of his relationships with certain people he can not even get security clearance! What the heck are we going to do if this guy wins? There is so much we just don't know about him. I'm scared and I woke up that way too. It was like I just knew things were going to get really bad. Then I find out that he is anti Jewish. There is no country that will survive if they turn their backs on the Jewish people. You might not agree with the religion but that is their right. I hear the dumbest crap like the Jews killed Jesus. Did any of those Jews today do that? No. I hear that the Germans wanted to kill Jews. Do any of those Germans today feel that way? I hear that whites had slaves. Do I or anyone you know have a black slave?  I hear that the Mexicans steal jobs. Did they take yours? If so then just knock them off that field and I can let you pick the corn. It is all a bunch of crap and we need to look at the real issues and not all the ads.

My next day in the life will be after Thanksgiving. I'm sure there will be so much to tell you all.

The ring that Shine wore will be going on today at Creepy Hollows auction. The watch which is amazing will go on Ebay.
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